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A Child's Innocence Taken

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:55:24 +0100

It all happened started when I was a little girl of five years old. My nanny took me and my sister into her room and closed the door. She then began to tickle us until we couldn't breath. Her hands then slowly started travelling towards our vaginas as she continued to tickle us and play with our private parts. I couldn't stop her because I couldn't breath. I was too young to know that this was wrong. This has affected my whole life as I knew it. She used to give our private parts names and tell us that they were her "meat"" and that they belonged to her. She died a few years later but the trauma is still with me now, I am 16.

Source:
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Child-Abuse-Survivor/1195906

Child Abuse: One Survivors Story

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:51:51 +0100

Child Abuse affect us all. Here is one story by an anonymous writer.

"I knew she was in for trouble when she gave him that look, and when he grabbed her throat, I was scared, but I didn't think he would actually hurt her.

"My sister and I had recently moved into our new family - a widower step-father and his 7 children. She was a beautiful young woman with friends and boys chasing her all around our small town, and I was her geek little brother, excelling in all things unpopular and uncool. I had managed to avoid the fists which flew at my step-brothers for months by retreating into my own head, laying low, and hiding, no, erasing all emotion. I figured she was out of danger since she was a girl - I mean, no evil bastard would beat up a girl!

"I had quickly trained myself not to react when I saw him beating my 2nd and 4th grade brothers, putting heads through plaster walls, choking them until they stopped resisting, threatening their lives into submission. Reacting urged it on. 'I'll give you something to cry about.' 'Wipe that look off your face, or I'll wipe it for you.'

"I remember the feeling I experienced when I saw him put his fist to her face and watched the blood pour out of her nose and lips - my beautiful sister. How would she live with such fear and unhappiness? How would she face school, friends, life? I knew the meaninglessness of life - I wanted to die in the act of torturing and killing him. I split in two and lost myself entirely. The next thing I remember was staring up at an enormous booted leg which led from my neck to his head and the ceiling beyond. I heard him say, 'You will NOT call that number. They will carry you out in a body bag.'

Source:
http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/child-abuse/child-abuse.html

Michelle's Story

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:48:40 +0100

What happened:

I dated her for two years. In the beginning, it was like any other relationship…fun, romantic, exciting…but about 4 months in, things changed. She said we were “losing the mystery” which really meant she was learning things about me that she didn’t like or approve of. Soon, it became more specific — my clothes were silly, my hobbies stupid, my hair not flattering. She dated other people, claiming we never agreed to be committed, but when I showed interest in someone else, she “punished” me with silence or mean-spirited arguments. She criticized me and blamed everything that went wrong in our relationship on me — if I were more fun, if I were less of a nag, if I was more accepting, if I were thinner — she could commit to me and we could be happy. She even told me that if I’d do more social drinking/recreational drugs, I’d be more fun and she could enjoy me more. There was never any physical abuse, but the emotional abuse was constant and extensive.

How I coped:

First, I did all of the stupid things a person does to try to “fix” the situation. I tried to change who I was, make things more agreeable to her, placate her in all of the areas she complained about. What I discovered was that, not only did that not solve the problem, it made me feel AWFUL — about myself and about life in general.

How the situation changed:

Well, we broke up…NUMEROUS times. But there was obviously something that attracted us both to the relationship and we kept coming back for more. I should’ve known when the break-ups started in the first few months, followed by reconciliations, followed by more break-ups, that something was wrong. Eventually I did, but not until it nearly broke me — I had to hit the rock bottom of depression and self-loathing before it occured to me that it was the relationship, not me, that was the problem.

What helped me:

My mother and my sister. They were able to make me realize, over time, that all the negativity I was feeling in my life — anxiety, depression, self-doubt, etc. — was coming from the relationship. They were smart not to attack it head-on, however, as I would never have listened. Instead, they focused on ME, not on her or the relationship, and how I was feeling and why. It eventually became clear that the root of the problem was the relationship, not me.

What I would say to someone who is being abused:

IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER!! You can’t change who a person is or how they behave. All the problems of their past or present, no matter how sad they may seem (abuse, neglect, addiction, etc.), do NOT excuse their abusive behavior. No amount of love, yours or anyone’s, will be able to fix those problems if they don’t acknowledge them as problems or have a desire to fix them. I mean, my ex- acknowledged ALL of her behaviors, but maintained to the end that they were acceptable and only bothered me because I was too “uptight,” “square,” and “sensitive” to understand her. Just take care of yourself and don’t let someone else tell you who you are or treat you badly! If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect someone else to!

Source:
http://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/stories/michelles-story/

David's Story

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:43:13 +0100

What happened:

I was a single dad with children and remarried. What an idiot I was. I should have spotted the warning signs. Whenever anything went wrong, she’d blame me. Anyway, it turned into a living nighmare within a year of being married. She took every opportunity to belittle me. When in a temper, she often hit me but never on the face. I thought I deserved it because I was withdrawn and a bad husband – that’s what she kept saying. She forced me to have sex to become a good husband for her. I couldn’t leave because that would have meant leaving my children. I tried to tell my mother but what little I told she said, “What are you doing to make her behave that way?” I felt abandoned by everyone except the kids. After several years my wife said she was leaving. Everyone said the breakup was my fault. I never told anyone what really happened. Years later I finally had the courage to tell a counsellor that I went to because of depression after I lost my job. I had no close friends by then.

How I coped:

I knew that my children needed me even though I felt pretty useless. That’s the only thing that got me through and eventually made me realise that it was not all my fault. I had always been involved with their day to day care and that gave me a purpose. Their love gave me strength. But the doubt about my husband qualities still lingers and will probably never go away. I haven’t dated since then.

How the situation changed:

She gave up on me and left. I think she had been sleeping with other men and decided I wasn’t worth the trouble any more. She took almost everything from the house but I didn’t care at the time. I was just glad it was over. It was the worst time of my life.

What helped me to get stronger:

If I didn’t have to think of the kids more than myself, I don’t know what I would have done. I might not even be here now. The counsellor was good because she helped me see that it was abuse. She used the word ‘rape’ and I now know that’s what it was like in the bedroom. It’s amazing but I didn’t think of it that way before. I was living in a naive cloud and had no words to describe my confusion and terror.

What I would say to someone who is being abused:

Apart from ‘I understand’ I don’t know. There are so many confused thoughts especially the nagging feeling that somehow you are the one to blame, the mad person. It’s no good saying to someone you have to leave because there are so many other things to consider – like children, money, lawyers, etc. The only positive thing is the love I have for my kids and they for me.

Source:
http://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/stories/davids-story/

Alex's Story

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:42:38 +0100

What happened

My partner has been physically and emotionally abusing me for about twelve months. It’s started with pushing and shoving and taking my keys when I wanted to leave. He was very insecure about past relationships and jealous of people he thought were a threat. We would have evenings where he’d been drinking and start accusing me of being a ‘whore’ amongst other names. It would go on for hours until he would fall asleep. The next day it was always the same, he was sorry and he didn’t know why he said it and did the things he did. I believed him at first but after the third time I knew it was a mistake and I had to get out.

The final straw was the worst behavior, hours of verbal abuse and name calling and then he became violent when I tried to call someone. That night it dawned on me things will never change. I had to put myself first and do what was right for me. How could I let myself be hurt this way?

How I coped

I believed he wanted to change. We even went to counselling together but it didn’t last. I kept telling myself that it was the drink, or tried to change my way of thinking and acting. Nothing worked and I knew I had to get out. I confided in a friend who helped me cope and then to eventually leave.

How the situation changed

After the last time, I had the strength to say leave. Of course he wouldn’t leave, but I asked my friend for help and she reinforced to him that I wanted him out, or else I’d call the police. He believed me then because I’d told someone.

What helped me

My deep seated belief that this was wrong and no matter what, his behaviour was not my fault. Good friends helped and are still helping me to get stronger. I will seek counselling now and I know I’ll keep going forward and get stronger still.

What I would say to others

Believe in yourself and tell yourself you deserve better. I know it’s hard but you can get out, you don’t have to live like this. No matter what they tell you, never ever believe that the abuse is your fault.

Source:
http://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/stories/alexs-story/

Jane's Story

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:32:52 +0100

What happened:

My journey to hell and back began twelve years ago. I met him when he moved in next door to me. We became friends and later he moved in with me and we became an item. He had me hook, line and sinker, a real charmer. He was a rebel, and life became fast and exciting. Parties, dancing, drinking and then more drinking.

I didn’t see it coming. We out with some of his mates and he had been drinking all day, and then his old girlfriend arrived. I was upset because he sat on her knee and kissed her, so I went to sit in the car. He came bellowing over, so I locked the door. He put his fist through the passenger window then dragged me through it. After receiving a punch in the head, one of his friends drove me home. At home I tended to my sore head, scrapes and bruises, but what hurt most was that it happened at all. The next day when he arrived at the flat he was full of remorse – things would be different, he wouldn’t drink and he would never hurt me again.

I believed him; things did improve for a while. Soon I discovered I was pregnant, he seemed over the moon with the news. A few months later he came home drunk, and after arguing he punched me in the stomach. I ended up in hospital with a ruptured cyst on my ovary. The baby was all right. Returning home I gave him an ultimatum – his mates or me. He chose me.

However after our baby was born the drinking continued, and the abuse continued. I stayed, as I could not see a way out. Brief times when he was sober, things seemed pleasant. My way of life became moving from one house to another with him, as people became aware of my situation (the domestic abuse), although I had learnt to hide the bruises and he was good at not leaving them where they could be seen. Over the years I took out several Intervention Orders on him, which I then dropped when he made his promises and sometimes, even, threats against me.

On our child’s birthday he received a gaol sentence of several months for drink driving and assault on a police officer. I still didn’t leave. During his time in gaol I visited often – he made more promises: no more drinking, no more abuse. When he left gaol, things were great for a while, and I hoped that his time in gaol had changed him. I got pregnant again, this time with twins. When I was pregnant we moved again, this time to be closer to his family, as I was going to need help and support with twins on the way. This was a move I should never have made. His father also had a drinking problem; they were a bad influence on each other. During my pregnancy he abused me again and again. Another time I pulled a kitchen knife on him and he laughed, as he knew I would not use it, then he spat in my face. There were times when he was at the hotel with his parents, I would pray that someone would knock on my door and tell me he was dead, rather than face him coming home. I was trapped; the only people I knew were his family. I had no way out.

Once our new babies were born, things remained the same. I looked after the children; he went to the hotel or to smoke dope with a mate. Life was tough and often there was no money for food. I stopped eating so what we had would go further. As long as he had his beer he didn’t care. He would complain when the babies cried and tell me `to shut them up or else.’ Every day I lived in fear, never knowing what his mood would be.

One day I left him to care for the twins, so I could collect our eldest child from daycare. I returned home to find one of the twins was cold and shaking, I was horrified. It turned out they had a dirty nappy and he had put them in the bath with a cold shower running, in the middle of winter. A few weeks later when collect one of the twins from her cot I found she had a blanket was over her, and a shirt was wrapped around her head and shoved in her mouth. Quickly I removed it and she gasped for breath. I was shocked and angry. How could he do this to his own child? I confronted him and rang his parents for help. When his parents arrived, his father was drunk, saying `it’s alright son, I know she’s bullshitting’. He swung a few punches at me, then left to go to his parents for the night.

I was distraught, frightened, and knew I had to protect my children. I found the phone book and looked under ‘Domestic Violence’ in the front. I got several phone numbers; I started with the first. The first few refuges I rang were full and asked if I could wait. Finally I rang a Salvation Army refuge, and an elderly man answered; I don’t know how he understood me through my many sobs as I tried to tell my story. He said `not now, tell me when you get here, do you need help, how soon can you get here?’ my reply was` we are on our way.’ I grabbed my box of photo albums, a garbage bag of clothes for the children and myself, and took my dog, which had been a loyal friend for many years, and we left.

Driving early that morning, I was a little scared of the future, but not like I had been every day for the last five years. The eggshells I had been treading on were gone, my children could cry and I didn’t have to shush them. I was determined to turn my life around.

I spent a week at that refuge before moving interstate. I changed my name, and began to rebuild my life. A few months later, I moved into a housing commission house, got part time work, and had started making friends for the first time since leaving school. Life was great.

Fourteen months later, after I trusted the wrong person, he contacted me. He pleaded with me to believe that he had changed, he been to counseling, anger management etc. etc. He was real convincing – the old charm was back. I agreed to give it a trial, but said that things would have to go slowly. He could not live with me. And no more alcohol. He saw us once a month to begin with as he lived a long way away. Soon he moved to the town where I was living.

One weekend he was staying with us, he started drinking. We argued and I asked him to leave, he refused. I went to phone the police. He hit the phone out of my hands and pushed me to my knees. He put one hand around my throat and squeezed. I was able to break away and I ran out the front door. He caught up to me in the neighbour’s garden, pushed me to the ground and started punching and kicking me. I thought he was going to kill me. A female voice called out that she had called the police and he fled. I believe if it wasn’t for the intervention of a stranger, I’d not be here today!

How the situation changed

He was charged with assault but only received a good behavior bond. I was bitterly disappointed in the legal system. As the court had allowed him contact with children, I still had to face him every second weekend. I wanted nothing to do with him. He would not accept the relationship was over and one night returned to my house and started smashing the windows (the children were not there). I called the police and he was arrested.

I haven’t spoken to him since. I am still fighting him in court; he wants contact with the children. He’s been back in prison several times, for similar offences. It is long process and I am hoping it will soon come to an end.

We moved to a new house. Although I was advised to move towns, I decided to stay. I had built a network of friends and support in this community. He was not going to beat me again. The Salvation Army has given us so much support. I know there is always someone that I can talk to, who will listen and even pray for me at times that I need them to. I wanted to do something for myself and three years ago I joined a marital arts club, through the club I have made new friends. I am no longer afraid, have self-confidence, I have worked hard to get where I am and am proud of what I have achieved.

Last year I met the most beautiful man – he is kind and gentle, and we connected straight away. Best of all the children think he is wonderful, and he them. He always has time for them, he listens to them read, and makes their school lunches, fixes their bikes, and plays football with them. Most of all, he loves them as his own. We spend time camping, fishing and he always makes us feel safe. Our life is complete, and I am thankful everyday that I have him in my life. I will cherish what the future brings, and we’re planning for our wedding next year.

My Advice to Others

Many victims of domestic abuse feel they lack the appropriate support to enable them to positively alter their situation, but having finally taken steps to free myself and my three children from repeated ongoing abuse I know it is possible.

My advice to others is don’t be afraid ask for help, even if you have to swallow your pride. Believe in yourself, don’t give up and use the chance to change your destiny, although it may seem difficult. Everyone has the right to live in dignity in their own home, free from fear of violence or harm. I have felt angry, mystified and somewhat jilted by the justice system, but I haven’t given up. I am still fighting.

Source:

http://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/stories/janes-story/

Washington State Alleged Killer Was Deported to Mexico, Returned to Murder His Ex, Say Cops

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 19:51:22 +0100

PASCO, Wash. (CBS/AP) A man accused of stabbing his girlfriend to death Monday in the eastern Washington city of Pasco was deported to Mexico three weeks earlier, but somehow made his way back to the U.S. to commit the crime, authorities say.

Franklin County Superior Court documents say Gregorio Luna-Luna had been jailed from January to March for alleged domestic violence, and then was held at the Northwest Detention Center in Tacoma until he was deported on May 1.

Police say the 31-year-old returned to Pasco and killed his ex-girlfriend, Griselda Ocampo Meza, who was mother of his 5-year-old-son. An autopsy revealed that it was a single stab wound to the chest that killed the 21-year-old woman.

The accused killer had several citations for assault going back at least two years, reports CBS affiliate KEPR, which says Luna-Luna ignored the citations and never showed up in court. He became a high priority for authorities after he kidnapped his own son and police issued an Amber Alert. When the two were found, Luna-Luna was thrown in jail.

KEPR was told by an immigration spokesperson that Luna-Luna bonded out and US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) took him into custody. He sat in an ICE detention center until late April when a judge said he should be deported. Within two days he was in Mexico, but not necessarily in jail.

Immigration officials couldn't specifically say what the Mexican authorities did when he arrived. But somehow Luna-Luna made it to the Tri-Cities area of southeast Washington in a matter of weeks. Franklin County prosecutor Steve Lowe told KEPR, "It takes about 10 to 12 days by foot to get back to Tri-Cities (from Mexico). it's not unusual. Frustrating, yes, we obviously have a border problem."

Luna-Luna is in the Franklin County jail and has not yet been charged in Meza's killing. KEPR reports that prosecutors may go for first degree murder and make it a death penalty case.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20006053-504083.html